I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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