Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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