at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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