Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize