considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
