So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
