More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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