organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i drank out of a bidet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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