my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
