I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This gyro tastes like lonliness
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize