I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
