My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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