my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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