Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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