You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So drunk its hurt
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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