Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
