Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
soo... how was my night?
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