So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
