I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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