just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
