Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
