The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
