i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
