If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
