you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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