I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
