On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
