She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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