So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
