He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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