I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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