If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
