I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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