College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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