Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
