I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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