I can text with my tongue
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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