everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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