I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
