The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize