He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
