FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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