Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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