Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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