Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
