Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
