So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
