A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
