Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize