I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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