you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
