Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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