She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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