I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
