We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
