how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
