Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
