Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
