His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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