she was so not down for the gang bang
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
