I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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