Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
