I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My vagina is officially offended.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
