yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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