do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you had me at cake vodka
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
