I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
