Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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