i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
