So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
