Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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