; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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